My mother’s love is never ending, even after her passing to the other side or as I would say Heaven. The day she passed was Thursday, August 4, 2005. The date will stay in my mind for the rest of my life. I received the call from my brother at 5 a.m. He said, “ Mom is not waking up. Hospice believes she is in a coma. They are not sure if she will wake up. She could wake up in a few hours or may not wake up at all. I wanted to let you know.” So many thoughts went through my head. Didn’t I just speak to her last night, prior to her handing the phone to my sister and I said “I love you, I will see you on Friday” and she said, “ I love you too. Here, I am giving the phone to your sister, you two can talk now”. Needless did I know that would be the last time I would hear her voice and talk with her.
All at once it was like lightening the thoughts sparking through my mind, should I drive the three hours, will she wake up, what should I do? I waited and called my brother back at 8 a.m. and told him I decided to wait, and would not drive up until the evening. WRONG DECISION. I went to work and at 10:20 a.m. that morning by brother called and shared she had passed to the other side. I was hysterical at work, my co-workers assisted me to the elevator, where my husband was waiting in the car to pick me up. We then started our journey to Wisconsin. The beginning of “saying our final good byes” to my mother, her mind, body and low and behold not her spirit!!!
To know a bit about my mom, a loving strong Irish woman, she was born raised and lived in the Bronx most of her life. A single mother and the love of a large extended family raised her. Marianne was strong, smart, witty, spiritual and above all, the energy of love for her children and grandchildren – she was the mother bear and we all were her cubs. Being an only child made her have a clan of her own children! My dad and she were so in love they were married for over 50 years. Each year, we still share their happy anniversary, she may not be on this planet but she is in our presences and hearts. She was my father’s rock, full of love, strength, support and guidance to all of us.
As the week went on and we buried mom on Monday following her death, the shame, resentment, grief and anger set in with my decision not to immediately leave Chicago and drive to Wisconsin upon the initial early morning call from my brother. Oh, how many days, nights, years, I held this in, crying, sobbing and asking for forgiveness from her.
This all changed, upon an awakening of my own life, which was in 2010, five years after her passing. Dealing with my own “dis-ease” I became deeply aligned with God. While praying and walking the labyrinth at St. James Evangelist Church off of Michigan Avenue, a guide, a voice literally whispered in my ear. It said, “Eileen my dear flower child, (my mom called me her flower child near the end of her time on this planet, due to my natural and nature filled tendencies) I have always forgiven you, It was my time, my time to pass, I am out of pain, and in peace. It was not I that you needed forgiveness from nor compassion, I am your mother and a mother’s love is constant, never ending, on earth and in heaven always present always there similar to God’s love for you. My dear Eileen, it is yourself you need to forgive, release the hurt, engulf yourself with compassion. God and I needed you not to be there when I passed, the reason is not yours to know now. At a very young age you were there once already 26 years ago when I needed you the most, when I needed your life energy during the horrific traffic accident you stumbled upon at a young age. You were my life love energy, which you shared with me then. Now be your own life love energy, share this and share love. Live your life in love, in compassion for all, for we are all connected and the Law of Love is the Law for All.”
What a message. To absorb all of this at once – the wisdom, the love, the guidance, the compassion I immediately felt a rush over me and I fell to my knees and thank God, Mary Mother of God and all the Archangels.
To really forgive myself, I need to walk through the steps to let it go. My mother never had an issue with my decision. It was I. I needed to walk through the steps to forgive.
On our journey on this beautiful blue planet earth, learning how to forgive is essential. We all make mistakes, and to forgive oneself is usually the hardest of all the acts of forgiveness. If you are not in harmony and balance in your heart and forgive yourself for wrongs, how can you truly forgive others and ask for forgiveness from others? You must role mode the behavior. People will feel it authentically when you come with your own forgiveness in the past. They will see your energy and light. They will know something changed.
During my mother’s message, she knew and understood the highest form of love, she guided me to that love, the love of God’s light within each of us.
“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” ~ Robert Muller
Eileen Timmins, Ph.D. is a workshop leader for Mayslake Ministries and author “The Forgiveness Fairy: Sharing the Light of Forgiveness,” (Hay House. Eileen is on a mission to shift the energy of the world by one forgiving act at a time. Eileen is an author, artist, motivational speaker, teacher, coach, labyrinth builder and board member. She is founder of Aingilin (which means little angel in Gaelic) and her mission is “to create a better future for the world though acts of service. Contact Eileen at firstname.lastname@example.org.