How to Dance to the Beat of your own Drum
written by Allison Agius
What we believe in most strongly,
what we focus on most intently,
what we imagine most frequently,
is where we are sending our thoughts, where we are investing our energy and what we will, in time, draw to us.
Everything in our lives is a reflection of our beliefs about ourselves.
What we enjoy seeing externally is either what we enjoy about ourselves, or what we aspire to be. What we judge as inappropriate or bad, is what we dislike or suppress about ourselves.
Whilst this can be uncomfortable to accept at times, especially when things are difficult for us, it can also be very empowering.
Having a mirror around us highlights areas we still need to work on, aspects of ourselves we have not acknowledged or integrated, or areas where we feel stress. An example may help.
When I used to take my 18 months old son to the supermarket, I would open a bag of apples and give him one as we walked around. One day he handed it back to me, complaining about the taste. I took a bite and agreed it was sour. I noticed a woman watching us and smiled at her, a part of me encouraging her to join in the conversation, perhaps admire my cute little boy.
She did join in, but not as I had expected. Instead of the admiration I anticipated, she said, ‘it tastes better when it’s paid for!’
Later, when I was calmer, I sat down to discover what she was mirroring in me. I wouldn’t dream of speaking to someone like that, and I liked to think I wouldn’t judge anyone so harshly (I have since discovered that, like everyone, sometimes I do, but that’s another story!).
So what was this incident for – what did I have to learn?
After a week of contemplation I realised that every time I went into the supermarket I called at the customer service department to ensure they were happy about me opening the apples. Not once, every week. Every time I went into the supermarket.
What the woman was mirroring in me was MY belief I was stealing. If it wasn’t a problem, I wouldn’t have checked EVERY time I went to the supermarket, and the woman wouldn’t have had such an effect on me. I would have laughed off her comment instead of being so mortified and wounded.
I had to either stop opening the bag of apples, or stop worrying about it!
It was a powerful lesson for my understanding.
If you have something that is difficult for you, reflect on it. There are stresses we are unaware of, that’s why the Universe sends them to us, and the following exercise may help in situations where buttons are being pressed that you were unaware you had.
The purpose of this exercise is to help you understand
what you can learn from the circumstances,
relationships or incidents in your life.
Relax and close your eyes. Take a few deep, slow breaths and centre yourself. Bring to your mind a person or event in your life that has caused you difficulty recently.
Ask: ‘What is this mirroring in me?’ ‘What can I learn from this experience?’
Stay open to receiving the answer whether it comes up in words, feelings or images. Try not to edit what comes up; stay open and enquiring like a child, with no shame or guilt, no judgments of any kind. When you feel the process is complete, write it up in your journal and work out appropriate affirmations to use.
And remember, mirrors not only reflect the negative within us. All the beauty and goodness you see around you is a reflection of you too. So, the next time you are feeling down on yourself, take a look at the beauty around you, or consider the friends and loved ones you have in your life, or think of someone you aspire to be like, and see these qualities you admire as reflections or aspects of yourself. They have to be inside you, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to see them.
Allison Agius writes modern, gritty, spiritual fiction for the thinking person, designed to challenge, inspire and entertain.
Her life’s purpose is to use her passion and tenacity, to teach and inspire others to release their self limiting beliefs in order for them to realise their dreams.
To this aim she not only writes, but has a private clinic and teaches both writing workshops and workshops based on her most successful book, ‘Hidden Secrets’.
Allison now lives in the North East of England with her husband to be Jonathan, and, (on and off), their five children, where she writes, runs her coaching clinic and lives her dream on a daily basis.